Could it make a relationship stronger?
'A renovation project can help you face different challenges as a team, and fine-tune your collective decision-making,' says Warner. 'It allows you to enjoy a shared vision and helps you learn about how to get on together. If you're a relatively new couple, or if you're experiencing difficulties in your relationship and you‘re thinking "this project could help us", then pick something small – a weekend putting shelves up, paving your garden path, that sort of thing.' A DIY session together could also be the perfect way to decisively split up with someone you are struggling to get rid of.
What if the pipes burst and the roof caves in?
'Apply brain "first aid". Resist the temptation to scream or blame each other. Accept that problems like this do occasionally happen; it helps if you've made contingency plans you can refer to,' says Warner. 'Go off and find your own individual stress-buster, or turn your attention to something else. "Self care" is crucial in the face of stressful events.' In short: don't blow, go.
And to steer clear of the ‘family at war' scenario?
'Create the "home team". Get everyone in on the act, including children, as it makes them feel involved and you'll be surprised at what they can contribute,' says Warner. 'Include them by using the skills they have; let them do computer research for you, or prepare a music CD you can listen to while at work. Perhaps they can even pick out furnishings for their room. But overlook them and they'll get underfoot and make you feel stressed.' Don't turn all the planning over to the kids, though – unless you want to access your kitchen via a multi-coloured chute.
What's the best DIY project for injecting new life into a relationship?
'Any room that you renovate makes you excited to be in it, and some people react very emotionally to a bedroom renovation. If you want a little extra juice in your relationship, the bedroom may be a good place to start,' says Warner. 'As well as an inviting bed, consider a massage area – or why not create a "listening and talking" area. It's like planting a new blueprint for your intimate behaviour. That's pretty exciting.' Projects in places such as the utility room, though, might not be quite as effective at reigniting passion.
When should you give up and call in the professionals?
Warner believes knowing when to ask for help or even to quit is key. 'Acknowledging you need help in certain areas is a sign you're recognising your limitations, while at the same time building your team and establishing your individual roles. It's not a sign you're giving up. You may decide that you can demolish and plaster a wall, but that the joinery isn't for you, and that's fine. Or perhaps you see yourself as a project manager, and decide to bring people in for construction jobs. Alternatively, do what I have done in the past – consider hiring someone to be your foreman while you do the work yourselves.' At least that way you can unite over a mutual hatred for the boss.
